For some reason I always find it harder to "be good" on Sundays than any other day of the week. I'm not sure why this is, though I keep thinking about it - maybe if I find out why I'll be able to fix it. I've thought of two reasons: one is just that perhaps Satan chooses to be more active on the Lord's Day than during the rest of the week. This one feels like a bit of a cop-out or an excuse though; as if I'm blaming my own sin on Satan and therefore it's not my problem. Which isn't what I want to do.
The other reason I've thought of is simply that there's less structure, and more "lazy" time. Put that way, this one sounds wrong too. After all Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest - we're not supposed to work. (And maybe there's my problem... I never do completely rest on Sundays, I always have a project I'm working on, whether sewing or writing or something outside. Maybe I need to focus on really resting?) But though the morning is always the same - wake up, eat breakfast, go to church and Sunday school, come home - the afternoon sort of falls apart. Sunday dinner is supposed to be at lunch time but usually happens around 3 PM... we sit at the table for hours, and if I do get around to any of my projects it's late, most of the day is gone, and I have no structure or time schedule to plan around. Then things tend to go the way today went, which is to say, not well at all.
(I started out upset already because Kate rearranged our bedroom while I was at school, and I couldn't find my slippers I'd left under the bed this summer.) We didn't get up from dinner until past 4 this afternoon. I was going to cut out a shirt I'm working on designing, using the S&S Regency pattern as a base, so I went upstairs to get the pattern. It wasn't in the box I thought it ought to be in. I asked my mother and sister... no ideas. I searched Mum's sewing basket... ransacked my own boxes... went through my sister's things. No luck. Finally I returned to the closet and started digging through the clutter on the floor -- to find the pattern exactly where it was supposed to be, in a crate with other patterns, which had been so obscured by my sister's belongings that I hadn't even seen it the first time I looked.
Then I went downstairs, annoyed with my sister, and found that my parents had gone out to take a walk on which I had been counting on joining them, without telling me they were going. And I lost my temper, and scolded my sister for making a mess in the closet, and stormed about my lost walk, and banged things around, and generally made a scene and felt pretty sorry for myself. Then I went in the bathroom and cried miserable, selfish, angry tears. I'm not proud of my outburst - I'm glad my sister was the only witness, and I'm sorry I inflicted it on her.
But then when I was calming down and praying for forgiveness, I started wondering why these meltdowns always seem to happen on Sundays. And I haven't any ideas, really - is it the prospect of a new week? But I'm looking forward to this week. Is it just that my guard is down because I've been to church and ought to be feeling righteous? Is it just a coincidence? I've no idea. All I know is, most of my major temper flares, and most of my huge emotional melt-downs, seem to happen on Sundays.
And so I reach my conclusion - which is not really a conclusion at all, except that I'll be praying for added strength and patience and wisdom on Sundays. And if any of you feel so led to pray for me, I would appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
May you all have a blessed Sabbath! Tomorrow I should have some more sewing photos to show you, and maybe a sneak peek at my recital dress!